When I entered into the season we are currently in I was filled with fear. Especially with all the restrictions plus recently moving back home, I felt uneasy. I tried to muster up the courage to keep hope alive but who was I kidding, I was struggling. Fear creeped in and shadowed me although I was saying my affirmations and meditating, I still felt lost. After heading to the beach for some much needed relaxation I felt a small release and was hopeful. My mind continued to play tricks on me with my ego in full control. Why was this happening to me?
Determined to get to the bottom of things, yet still lagging I started listening to Sadhguru’s daily live. This meant getting up early instead of sleeping in. I tried exercising because I thought since we’re in lockdown I should get fit. That lasted for two weeks until my body had enough. It helped me some days but I still felt as though something else was missing. After listening to the live for some time, I found myself at a crossroad where choices had to be made. Researching the virus made me understand what triggered my fears. His explanations and teachings were quite simple with a little added humor which I quite liked. I call him the guru I didn’t know I needed.
I had to turn inward and be alone with myself. Simple yet profound, all I needed was to surrender and I mean surrender everything in order to start over. Resistance definitely showed up because at that point we were best friends. I honestly just wanted to fast forward to 2021. I wanted change but I wasn’t ready.
It started with learning to manage my body, mind, emotions and energy. I wanted to fix things but being lazy gave me half assed results which only made feel me lesser and lesser each time. Remaining focused on myself was hard. It was so much easier to meddle in other people’s lives than to look at my own. Step by step I started a small routine by which I would wake up, give thanks, stretch, brush my teeth, have some ACV water while grounding myself in the sunlight then tune into the live. This live was only supposed to run for two weeks but it went on for a longer which made me really get into the swing of things. I formed a habit which made me feel good and although I was still lingering in some areas I started being less hard on myself by having compassion, after all the entire world is in chaos.
That was late March and we are now in nearing June with things gradually returning as they were. Lockdown taught me the value of time, compassion and surrendering. I allowed myself to go with the flow and to receive the help that the Universe and my higher self is always offering. Everything else unfolded so beautifully with tears, laughter, pain and understanding. Tapping into my higher self is one of my greatest accomplishment. Shadow work helped me to get to the core of my triggers and to actually feel my emotions as they arise. Being someone that feels energy easily this was challenging. No one wants to feel sad or scared but you won’t be happy 24/7 so this is where managing those elements plays an intricate part in your development as a human being.
The signs and synchronicities all showed up and are continually showing up in divine timing. Isha Kyria, a meditation also by Sadhguru that I started in March helped me tremendously. Since the day I started I haven’t stopped. All it takes is 20 minutes to surrender, I highly recommend. Above all I will always recommend tuning into your heart space to become one with self. You’ll be amazed at what comes up or how things unfold in your life. You have to be ready and open to receive guidance.
I express gratitude each and every day. Giving up my outdated ways of thinking and being in complete appreciation for simply being alive with all of my needs provided is a huge blessing. Appreciation not just for tangible things but also for clarity, alignment, being an extension of the universe and being able to draw energy from this vast infinite source of intelligence is larger than I am, larger than the life I am living. This is incredible. This is life changing and I am forever grateful.
I want you to know and believe that whatever you are facing has meaning and purpose. Life was not meant to be lived in a bubble of anxiety or depression. Repeat aloud that you are a magnificent being created to live a pleasant and fulfilling life, feel these words pulsate throughout your body. It took me a while to believe in myself and my power. It took courage for me to ask for help and not lean upon my own understanding. There is no turning back for me. I deserve to live a great life. I am living a great life where everything is always working work for me and everyone around me, all in divine timing.
A pineapple in my fruit basket gave off such a fragrant scent. I held it and savored its sweetness and as I basked I couldn’t help but laugh because I am eventually going to eat this pineapple and the scent will be gone so what’s next? It was there standing in my kitchen and remembering Sadhguru’s words, “once you know a level of sweetness within you, don’t bring it down. That should be the basis. It should only get better and better from there.”
I’m tapping into my sweetness and living life with a level of involvement. The unnecessary mind chatter will arise from time to time but it will not stop me. The criticisms from others will also be there but as long as I am tuned in and tapped on to the universe, there is no one that can stop me. Mistakes are there to be made. We are not perfect and neither am I trying to live a perfect life.
What I want is to live in my truth, my power and my light even if the world thinks I’m weird. What I want is to be able to handle contrast quickly and not let it drown me. Negative emotions are inevitable but I also have choices. I choose to not dwell on the things I cannot control and focus on what’s in front of me. You may think well what if the current state is that of fear or negativity and I’ll say to you; what you think, you create. Yes things are happening, things will always occur but what if you chose to drop the pity party and dwell on the positives instead? The positive will magnify and magnify. Start with small things and you’ll see. The Law of Attraction is at constant work, it never stops. So what will you choose?