This is Nisha, live and in stereo. Just like Hannah Baker was except she’s dead.
I told my friend depression hurts, that fool responded by saying Cymbalta can help-(rolls eyes). After realizing that I was serious he then asked me if everything is okay. I lied of course; like I always do, just so that I won’t have to tell my sad story for the millionth time to hear someone say awe don’t worry “it’s going to be okay.” Truth is, I’ve been where Hannah was, went through the cyber bullying, the name calling, the teasing and shit does hurt.
I know we all have our own story and purpose but what happens when you really really really can’t handle the situation anymore? Talking about suicide is never any easy thing for me. I thought about Hannah and how much I wanted to let her know it’s not the end, that things can change and change for the good. I once read this quote “suicide is for the powerless” and it resonated with me. Now that I’m older and having gone through so much BS I can say that there is hope. That one ounce of hope in me that keeps me going. When I cry or even start thinking negative thoughts, I always find it somehow to stop, wipe my tears and breathe. What is is? Who is it? God? The universe? Energy source?
So Hannah, there’s always someone that went through worse than you did and chose to fight or give up. You gave up on life but most of all Yourself. I felt the same at 15 but I also thought about my future and the endless amazing opportunities life has to offer, still growing, still learning. Fuck, even I wanna know how my story is going to play out. I’m excited and scared at the same damn time.
I’m still here, alive and thankful despite the odds. Thankful for the few amazing characters in my life who encourage me each step of the way. Thankful for my amazing fab future. Thankful for the one ounce of hope.
Glenisha Mc Gillivary